What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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