everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
