just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
