The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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