she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it glows. i had to have it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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