The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
