Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
