i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The uberlube is also flammable
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
