TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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