her vagine was all disorganized.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
