how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
