he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
