drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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