And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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