I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
