He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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