happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we're making bets on your personal life
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
