Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
