i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
