did you get engaged???
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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