The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
