Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
