Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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