I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
