There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize