if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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