He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
