I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Let's get the cat blown out
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
