i jhust puked up my retainher.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize