I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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