Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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