I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
