I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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