i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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