I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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