I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
