it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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