Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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