I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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