Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
