I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
