So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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