when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
