I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
