Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
