Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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