I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
