I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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