I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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