i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
