I just threw up on my dentist
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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