Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
