This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
cat food counts as protein by the way
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
