i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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