Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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