So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
