soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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