You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
