I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
