I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
