The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
