come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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