A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Come share oat with me in your robe
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
