I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
