both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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