I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
