I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
