On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
