i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
