I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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