forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm at about main and main street
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
