Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
