highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
